Sonia Does the Steps: Step One, Powerlessness, and the 12 Steps for Skeptics

In this deeply personal first episode of a new Sisters in Sobriety series, Sonia begins something she has circled for years: working the 12 steps. Joined by Arlina Allen, recovery coach, host of the One Day at a Time podcast, and author of The 12 Steps for Skeptics, Sonia explores why she has always respected AA while still feeling hesitant to fully commit. Together, Sonia and Arlina open the door to Step One with honesty, curiosity, humor, and a modern lens for anyone who has ever wondered whether the steps could work for them.

The conversation explores what it means to admit powerlessness over alcohol without collapsing into shame, why “unmanageable” does not always look like losing everything, and how women with high-functioning lives can still hit an emotional bottom. Sonia and Arlina talk about raising the bottom, separating the 12-step program from meeting culture, finding the right sponsor or guide, and why old recovery language can sometimes create resistance before people even get to the deeper wisdom underneath it.

This episode breaks down Step One in a practical, accessible way: defining powerlessness and unmanageability, identifying patterns around moderation, understanding denial, and recognizing the difference between being sober and being emotionally sober. Arlina also explains why the steps are not just about quitting alcohol, but about self-honesty, accountability, nervous system regulation, recovery habits, and learning to meet the parts of ourselves we would rather avoid.

Sonia also shares her own story of having what looked from the outside like a “silk sheet bottom”: a stable marriage, career success, financial security, and no dramatic external consequences. But inside, she was emotionally exhausted, self-loathing, and unable to keep the daily promise not to drink. Through Step One, she begins to see how alcohol had made her life unmanageable in quieter but powerful ways—and why this series may be less about joining a program perfectly and more about finally stepping inside the work.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

Time-Stamped Highlights

00:00 Sonia introduces the new series and why she is finally choosing to work the 12 steps.

02:00 Arlina explains how she will guide Sonia through the steps using The 12 Steps for Skeptics.

03:00 Sonia shares why she has always “danced around” AA without fully committing.

04:00 The moment Sonia realized she could separate the 12-step program from meeting culture.

05:00 Arlina explains why the steps are an experience, not just words on a page.

07:00 Sonia opens up about the awkwardness of seeking a sponsor after years of sobriety.

08:00 Arlina explains why Sonia’s approach will be modified because she already has long-term sobriety.

09:00 Sonia reflects on being surprised by how much Step One had to offer.

10:00 The concept of “raising the bottom” helps Sonia reframe what recovery can look like.

11:00 Sonia describes having an emotional bottom even though her outside life looked stable.

12:00 Sonia shares how her brother’s AA experience planted the first seed that alcohol might be a problem.

14:00 Arlina clarifies that Step One means powerless over alcohol, not powerless over everything.

16:00 Sonia revisits Bill’s story with a more open mind than she had in the past.

18:00 Arlina introduces HOW: honest, open-minded, and willing.

21:00 Sonia and Arlina discuss finding similarities instead of differences in recovery stories.

23:00 Sonia defines powerlessness and unmanageability in her Step One homework.

24:00 Sonia shares the daily cycle of promising not to drink and drinking anyway.

26:00 Sonia connects deeply with the idea that when she enjoyed drinking, she could not control it.

28:00 Sonia questions whether rehashing old drinking stories is always helpful.

32:00 Arlina explains the difference between sobriety and recovery.

35:00 Sonia defines emotional sobriety as the ability to self-regulate without substances.

39:00 Sonia reflects on how drinking kept her from living in alignment with her values.

42:00 Sonia shares how sobriety helped her rediscover books, creativity, and her real personality.

45:00 Arlina explains how recovery asks people to love the parts of themselves they usually reject.

47:00 Sonia considers trying a women’s step study meeting as part of her homework.

48:00 Arlina gives Sonia the reading assignment for Step Two and they close the episode

Arlina’s Links

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram